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30 April 2009

Tiger Woods Joke...

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a filling station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greeting the golf star in a typical Irish manner, completely unaware of his identity. "Top of the mornin' to you, sor," says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick 'Hello' and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the good earth are they for?" asks the attendant.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Jaysus, sweet Mary and Joseph," the attendant exclaims, "BMW tinks of everything!"

28 April 2009

Very inspiring

Ever heard of Susan Boyle? She is the oldest participant in 'Britain's got talent'. All of 47, she delivered this inspiring performance.
The show is the British equivalant of 'American Idol' and much more entertaining, in my opinion.
Also see this combo of Michael Jackson and our own Desi Bangra.

Did you vote?

Did you vote in the general elections? I did. I did not have a voter id card. I just showed my Driving License and was allowed to vote.
Finding my name in the list took some time. Partly because my name is long and partly because it was written in Kannada and finally partly because I did not have a Voters ID Card. Eventhough my parents were also registered voters, I could not find their name in the list and hence they couldn't vote.
I feel kind of 'superior' because I voted in the elections.
Boo to those who did not vote....

Paying Traffic Fines

In the last month or two, I have paid Rs.300 as traffic fines.
The first incident was near Cubbon Park. When I reached the signal, the light was showing Yellow (tending to red). Since it was showing yellow, I moved forward and just as I crossed the signal, the lights turned red. Since it was a corner, I did not notice a strategically hidden police man who suddenly emerged from nowhere and fined me for Rs.100. I did not even get a chance to protest.
He had this 'receipt generator' with him. He collected my 100, immediately printed a receipt and handed it to me.
The next incident happened in a lane which I frequently used to travel. In fact, when I went to office in the morning, the lane was two way, but sometime in the afternoon, they made it one way. They had put up a 'No Entry' board which I did not see as I entered the lane on my way back from office in the evening. The policeman was specially waiting for unsuspecting guys like me. He pounced on me and waved me to stop in one side.
Stupid that I am, I thought that he was there just to warn us, and that he was asking me to go and go I did.
He followed me on his bike and stopped me at the next signal. He started shouting at me in Kannada and I in my feeble protests told him that I thought that he was asking me to go.
That mollified him a bit, but not enough. He immediately collected Rs.100 from me and gave me a receipt from his receipt generator.
The third time, I was coming back from hospital where my father was admitted. It was sometime in the evening and I was driving with my 'High Beam' on. I was stopped near Nanda Theatre. A kind, old police man very kindly informed me that I was committing an offence and that I have to pay the fine.
"This is unfair, sir", I protested, "I just switched on high beam, and I was about to switch it off"
"Life is unfair, young man", he responded, "tell me about it"
I was mollified enough by his calling me 'young man'. (the neighbourhood kids have started calling me 'uncle') that I gave him the 100 rupees that he asked me in return for a receipt.
Needless to say, I have not committed any of the above offences since then.
Psychologists say that in order for a punishment to be effective, it should meet the following three criteria.
1. It must be prompt. Nothing can be prompter than a 'spot fine'.
2. It must be fair. One of the problems that I have with the police system is the miasma of corruption involved. Any traffic violation is the beginning of a negotiation process where you haggle with the police man on the price to let you go. I hate this. But in the new system, you get an immediate receipt.
3. It must not be excessive: Rs.100 fine fits the bill to a 'T'
This new initiative, if properly implemented will serve two purposes. One, it will fill the coffers of the traffic police quickly. It is a volume business. The money thus collected can be used for two purposes. One, a part of it can go to the policemen as incentive. This will motivate them to enforce rules strictly. The second part will go to improving the traffic facilities (signals, traffic umbrellas, sign posts, guide posts etc). Secondly, a proper enforcement will help smoothen the traffic in the city.
I only hope that this new initiative do not fizzle out quickly and the system do not return to the 'Corruption' status quo.