Arranged Marriage....

Please note: I don't know if the incident described below did actually happen. While the story below is described from memory (it is almost 25 years since I heard this story) and in a humorous vein (since it ended well, supposedly), forced marriages at gun point (know as 'Pakadua Vivah') is a major social evil and can destroy people as the news item below shows.

Check here for the news item 'Bihar man forced to marry at gun point'

You all know that we have arranged marriage in India, right?

In arranged marriage, the families (Parents) of the boy and girl meet, match the Kundli's (horoscopes) of the boy and girl,  and decide to seal their alliance by getting their children married to each other. 

This could take different forms, like more modern in some part of the country where boy and girl has some voice in the decision to other parts where the boy and girl only meets at the marriage venue.

However, in some parts of Bihar, even families do not meet. In these places, the groom is kidnapped at gun point, gets married to a girl in the kidnapper's family and after that the family of groom is informed. The kidnapper will ensure that the social status of boy's family is equal to, if not better than that of his family.

Surprisingly, after the marriage, the families accept the situation and they live together harmoniously.

Crazy, I know, but that is India

The story I am about to narrate is the story of one such marriage, but with a twist.

This story was told by Kaushal, the same guy who told me the story of Student Discount.

Kaushal was my colleague in Durgapur Steel Plant. He is a very good story teller. Often, when we were relaxing by the pool in Durgapur Club, Kaushal will come up with his stories, most of them from his childhood in Bihar.

"Aneesh Pandey was my batch mate when we were doing Engineering in BIT Mesra", Kaushal reminisced

"Aneesh was in Chemical Branch and I was in Mechanical Branch. Tall, fair and handsome, Aneesh was very smart and popular in the college. In addition, he was the son of a rich and powerful landlord in North Bihar. It was obvious that this tall and smart boy is a prize catch for any girl in the area.", Kaushal continued

"One fine evening, when we were in the final year of Engineering, Aneesh was kidnapped by the men of a local landlord, who had a daughter to be married off. It was towards the evening and before anyone knew what was happening, he was caught, pushed into a van and the van had taken off. Right from in front of our college hostel", Kaushal paused to sip the beer.

"In the case of kidnapped marriages, everything moves very fast. Aneesh's marriage to the kidnapper's daughter was fixed for late evening of that day. In Bihar, marriages are solemnized in the night. Aneesh was taken to the kidnapper's home, had a bath and was asked to wear new dresses and was seated at the marriage hall"

"Aneesh was a smart guy", continued Kaushal, "he realized that he could not do anything. He knew that this kind of marriage was common in Bihar. So he went through the motions without any objections, but always keeping an observant eye".

"The entire family of the bride to be was there. There was the father of the bride, the original kidnapper, his younger brother, another stern looking man, their mother, a regal looking old lady, their wives, and the daughter of the brother. In addition, the sidekicks of the family, who kidnapped Aneesh, were also there. The men were holding on to their guns, ready for any untoward incidents that Aneesh could provoke", Kaushal took another sip of beer.

"The marriages in Bihar are solemnized when the groom applies 'Sindhoor' (Vermilion, also known as the Red Dot) on the forehead of the girl. This is called 'Maang mein Sindhoor Lagana' (apply Sindhoor on the Forehead) and is a big deal in India. Only husband's have the right to apply the Sindhoor on his wife's forehead.", Kaushal explained, of course I knew this before, buy hey, this is Kaushal's story, remember?

"Marriage ceremony started, pujas (Prayers) were all completed and the auspicious time came for Aneesh to apply Sindhoor on the girl's forehead. Aneesh was handed the Sindhoor. This was the crunch time, the climax. All eyes were on him", Kaushal paused

I could anticipate that something awesome was about to happen. I could barely contain my excitement.

"During the ceremony was in progress, Aneesh's observant eye had found that the daughter of the younger brother of the kidnapper was very beautiful and was also of marriageable age. Their eyes had made brief contact and Aneesh knew that she was also very interested in him", Kaushal took another sip of beer. 

I was getting frustrated with his beer sipping at crucial moments in the story, but beggars cannot be choosers, can they?

"So when it was time to apply Sindhoor, instead of applying it on the forehead of the kidnapper's daughter, he applied the Sindhoor on the forehead of her cousin, the daughter of the brother. It all happened so fast that no one had time to react", Kaushal continued.

"Then what happened?", I was curious as dickens

"The kidnapper was livid. He felt like a lioness that did all the work in killing the pray and watching the male lion taking the spoils. His sidekicks were livid. Everyone was angry except...."

"Except for the kidnapper's brother. By applying Sindhoor on his daughter's forehead, Aneesh had now become his son in law. It had become his responsibility to protect his son in law. Aneesh watched in amusement as the two brothers and their respective sidekicks almost came to blows with each other and were pointing their guns at each other. The kidnapper's sidekicks were even pointing guns at Aneesh. It was chaos everywhere", Kaushal smiled at the thought.

"Finally the grand mother of the girl intervened and said that since Sindhoor was applied, the daughter of the brother had officially become Aneesh's wife. This was god's wish and the family cannot have the curse of making the daughter a widow by on the day of her marriage."

"The pujas continued after all this commotion and the marriage was solemnized. Next day, Aneesh's family was informed. They also came and took part in the festivities and all of them went back to live their lives as if nothing has happened".

"It is now almost 12 years since the marriage and Aneesh and his wife are the proud parents of two smart children"

"All is well that ends well", Kaushal concluded.

Student discount...

Kaushal told me this story when we were working together in Durgapur...

He did his graduation in Engineering from Birla Institute of Technology, Mesra in Bihar. Both of us had joined as Management Trainees in SAIL and were posted in Durgapur. We were working in the captive power plant of Durgapur Steel Plant and were very close.

Kaushal has this treasure trove of amusing stories and he has an awesome way of telling them. He will gradually build up the stories to a perfect climax. Most of the time you never know what hit you till he ends the story.

We were sitting by the pool side in Durgapur club one evening, relaxing, watching people swim in the pool and having a couple of beers. Kaushal launched into one of his stories.

'Ramu, did you have to struggle to get a job after graduation?', he asked me.
They had royally screwed my name, these North Indians. My parents, in their wisdom, kept it as Ramaswamy, and these guys had shortened it to Ramu.

(Of course, this is not the only way my name has been massacred and mutilated and transformed. For full details, read this story)

Those were the late 80s, the only jobs available were in Public Sector (Government) companies. Most of the PSUs (U stands for Undertakings) had their own recruitment process consisting of written test, group discussions (in certain cases) and interview.

The tests used to be held in different parts of the country and interviews used to be scheduled in the four metros, Delhi, Kolkata, Chennai and Mumbai.
The entire recruitment process was very stressful and challenging. There were more engineers passing out of Engineering colleges than what the economy could handle.

I said yes. All of us struggled. Who can forget those days?

'Me and my friends from BIT had written this test for a PSU and few of us including me got called for the interview', Kaushal reminisced.

'Interview was to be held at Kolkata. We reached Howrah (Kolkata has two railway stations, one at Howrah and the other at Sealdah) the previous evening. Since this was our first visit to Kolkata, we asked a Taxi driver to take us to a hotel. After asking our budgets, which were very low, the cab driver took us to a shady hotel in Howrah.", Kaushal sipped his beer.

"We were all tense about the interview. So we had a quick dinner in the hotel itself. After dinner, all of us assembled in my room. There were four of us including me, Rajesh Pandey, Rajiv Ranjan and Ashish Kumar. It was about 8 PM and we were wondering about the kind of questions that could be asked in the interview", continued Kaushal.

"Among the four of us, Rajesh Pandey is a very simple soul. He prays daily, do not use any bad language and is respectful of everyone. When we were in hostel, we used to make fun of him and tell him that he should become street smart. He had always in him to prove his machismo", Kaushal was in his elements now.

I told him that there are one or two such fellows in all Engineering Colleges, who want to live up to the Engineering College traditions (there are always some exploits of seniors to look up to). But they do not have the courage to do any adventurous activities. But almost all of them has a secret life, much like Walter Mitty.

Kaushal told me he did not care for Walter Mitty. He told me not to interrupt his flow of thoughts.
"While we were chatting, the manager came and asked us if we wanted a girl (Prostitute)", Kaushal said.

"Rajiv and Ashish were very excited, I did not have any views. Rajesh was repulsed and excited at the same time. You could see the struggle in his mind", Kaushal sipped the beer.

"Rajiv asked for the rates. He told the manager that we are students and were on a tight budget. Manager told us that we can negotiate directly and went out and in about ten minutes, came back with a girl."

"She was casual and matter of fact. She started explaining the rates for various services"...(he told me the services, but this being a family blog, I can't mention them), Kaushal was in his elements.

"While she was telling us the rates, Rajesh was getting more and more excited, blushing as he heard the services being mentioned.", Kaushal was smiling to himself.

"The rates were high. As students, we could not afford her services", did I notice some wistfulness in his voice?

"She concluded. This is when Rajesh asked a question that embarrassed all of us. He was now so excited that he did not know what he was saying", Kaushal took a strategic pause.

"What did he ask?", I asked unable to hide my curiosity.

"He asked her for student discount"

The unlucky duo..

(In the period 1987-95, I used to work as an engineer at Durgapur Steel Plant at West Bengal. I used to maintain a dairy and update it infrequently. Recently I came across the same and thought that I will move to the blog all the entries in the dairy. This is one of the articles that I wrote after a particularly disastrous day)

At 6.00 AM in the morning, I had no inkling of the disaster that was to follow that day

Every person in this world is sometimes unlucky. When they reach the market, they realize that it is market closing day. When the reach the theatre, they find that the tickets are sold out or the movie started trifle earlier. People don't usually have a spate of these unfortunate occurrences. But of course, there has to be an exception to the rule...

And that's us.

It is a Sunday. Me and my friend Gopal decide to go shopping. I have to buy a shoe and certain miscellaneous stuff and Gopal to buy detergent and stuff...

One problem in going out with Gopal is that it is difficult to identify who is unluckier. Who is the master of misfortune, the harbinger of hard luck, the purveyor of pileup , the dealer of distress, the source of setback...

Enough RS, enough...

Is it Gopal or is it me? Gopal keeps mumbling about expecting this and more when starting on a saunter with me, while I point out that this never happens to me when I am alone.

Before proceeding further, let me give you our plans for the day. First, have a breakfast at Prantika (a restaurant in the market), then go down the market street collecting my shoe, Gopal's detergents etc.... Then we plan to go to Public Call Office (PCO, from where you can make STD and ISD calls, this was long before the availability of ubiquitous mobile phones) to make a call to Delhi, then come back at 11.00 and reach the theatre at 11.30 or so, see the movie, come back and sleep.

As far as plans go, this was a great one. But problem with plans is that they have other (plans). At least ours had.

Going to restaurant for breakfast is a big deal. You don't want to do a half hearted job. So we had very early dinner the previous day (in some parts of the world they call it 'Lunch') and were rapacious in the morning. In the place we stay, there is only one hotel, which is about two miles from the place we stay. We were intent on building our hunger and hence decided to walk the whole hog. By the time we reached the restaurant, we were ravenous, only to find....

The restaurant closed !

What to do? Gopal remembered one shop which sells delicious poories (fried pancakes). The shop was about half a mile from the restaurant. Having walked this distance, there was no point in taking an automobile for just half a mile, said Gopal. So we trudged to the shop, weary and almost worn out.

The shop owner politely and courteously informed us that he did not open the shop today. "Power cut", ses he. We should have guessed.

Any other hotel nearby which sells vegetarian food? No, but up there (he points to somewhere far, far away), there is a restaurant that serves both veg and non-veg, you could try there, he says helpfully.

So off we walk to the restaurant 'up there'. "Anything veg available for breakfast?", we enquire. No sir, we don't prepare veg food for breakfast. Can you prepare some for us?. Sorry, no vegetables.

What kind of answer is that? No Vegetables !!! Grrrr....

By now, it looks to me that the stars are not in favour of us this day. At this point we should've shelved the project and pushed off for home. But we are made of sterner stuff. We persevere.

The semblance of pride and amour-propre prevented us from raiding the 'Dhaba' till now. Dhaba is the place where hoi-polloi comes for tucking into their daily ration. We are above hoi-polloi and hence Dhaba was out of our plan. But these were tough times which called for tough response. We decided to throw caution to the winds and try the Dhaba. We hoped that none of our acquaintances acquaint themselves with us at the Dhaba.

Luckily this Dhaba is open and the food he served is delicious. 

Next is Bata for my shoes. Fortunately, the shop is nearby and hence we walk to Bata and you guessed it, the shop is closed !!.

"Blast it", I say, "The bloody shop should have opened at 9.30 in the morn. It is now 10 and the shop is closed mean that it is not going to open today"

Now I am as angry as a cat with a twisted nail. Add to that is Gopal's mumblings and his criticizing stare, as if it is all somehow my fault.

You know what is the problem with this world today? No self-evaluation, no introspection. Here was Gopal giving me the look that a dying aunt will give her nephew of ill repute, all the while ignoring the fact that the misfortune that we seemed to have been struck with may very well be his share. 

Unfortunately for me, he gets his detergents at the first shop that we go. The 'stares' have become unbearable.

Unreasonable, don't you think? After all there is only one Shoe Shop, while you can pick and choose your detergent shop. They are dime a dozen.

That is life.

As per our plan we should have been at PCO by now. However, we are about half a mile FROM the PCO. By now it doesn't even strike us that we could take a Public Transport if we wanted to. Half a mile is a kind of 'Trishanku' distance. It is either far enough to take a PT nor close enough to walk. We decide to walk to PCO. 

We reach PCO by 10.40, Gopal places a call to Delhi at 10.45 and finishes his call at 10.50. I place a call to Kerala at 10.55 and I get connected at 11.15.

Due to the disastrous telephone network that took 20 minutes to connect me to my destination, I have been held entirely responsible for all the ill luck that we have been having so far and that we will be having the entire day. 

We get out of PCO at 11.23. We can still make to the movie theatre if we try. But no rikshawwallas are on the road. We suddenly remember that today being Sunday there are a few popular TV Serials going on at this time of the day. To top it, there is also a Cricket Match between India and some god-forsaken African Country. "Blast all those cricket crazy rikshawwallas", Gopal's valve goes phut, "Who do they think they are? Donald Bradman? Gavaskar? Idiots, nincompoops. Someone should kick their butts with a 'Power' Shoe" ('Power' was the sponsor of the Indian Team)

Little unkind to the poor chaps, I think

Suddenly we espy a Rikshaw in the horizon, both of us sprint towards it. Just as we reach the Rick, another chap, who was hiding behind the bushes, jumps in and the rick takes off..

Gopal gives me one of those long, critical, meaningful stares. I stare back.

We find another Rick and we latch on to it for dear life. It is one of those ricks that has seen better days. The past was its prime. We goad the Rick driver to go at breakneck speed, which for the rick is the speed of a particularly slow somnambulist. To give you a measure of the speed of the Rick, let me just say that we managed to cover in 60 seconds, a distance that we would have walked in a minute. 

We managed to reach the theatre at 12.15. The guard tells us that the movie started at 11.45. 

No point in watching 2.5 hours of a 3 hour movie. Gopal, the ever prudent financier tells me that we would be losing 1/6th, almost 12% of the movie. It doesn't make sense.

Gopal mumbles something about 'Cost-Benefit'. I let it go.

We decide that we will see the movie that day, come what may.

To get a strategic advantage for the next show, we decide to go and have lunch in a very nearby restaurant. The objective is to get a jump-start on ticket procurement for the next show. We order parathas.

Just as I am about to tuck into some of the most delicious parathas that I have ever smelled, Gopal ruins it for me by asking whether I think the butter is rancid.

It wasn't. But it spoiled it for me.

Somehow we manage to finish the lunch (in total silence, if I may. I am mad at Gopal for that 'Rancid' question). By the time we come out of the restaurant and goes to the theatre, line for the next show is about half a mile long.

Fortunately (that was the only fortunate thing the whole day), we espy a friend with his wife waiting for the tickets. The ladies line is very short. The lady stands in line and procures tickets for us.

The movie turned out to be utter flop !!

Ode to my unknown friend...

Oh, my unknown friend,
At times like this I hope
You were by my side
Oh, my unknown friend

I long for thy company
For the fun and frolic
Be out of the dreary present
Oh, my unknown friend

You know me inside and out
Give me solace when needed
Lift me up when I am down
Oh, my unknown friend

I remember,
Mornings when we plucked flowers
Noon, when we ate the stolen fruits
The evenings at the park
Oh, my unknown friend

How I wish you were here
With your wisdom and wit
Sit with me and share the stories
Relieve me of boredom and ennui

Oh, my unknown friend

(This is a poem that I wrote in 1987, one year after graduation. I was bored in Durgapur when I wrote this)

Rajeev goes 'Sanyas'

Rajeev is my neighbour in our hostel. He is an accountant and works in the Finance department of our company. Only thing that he does better than creating debits and credits is flirting.

He has good reason to (flirt). He is only 25, tall, dark and quite handsome with good sense of humour. Girls simply cannot resist his charm, and he doesn't want them to. He is an Aries and I am  a Sagittarius. According to Western Astrology, both these signs fight for numero uno position in zodiac for flirting. We both try to live up to that (we can't have astrology proven wrong, can we?) and this common passion makes us friends.

Not that I can hold a candle to Rajeev. When it comes to flirting, he is in a league of his own.

Rajeev had a field day during the recent Pujas. I couldn't go with him much since I was on duty all days. I managed to go with him only one day and I could not but marvel at the felicity with which Rajeev flirted. His approach never fails to impress me.

Durga Puja is a 4 day festival that Bengalis celebrate year after year. There is not much 'Puja' as such. A pundit steeped in liquor doing puja with old men and women watching with holy light in their eyes. And young male Bengalis (with a few exceptions like Rajeev and me) chasing beautiful Bengali girls decked in dazzling dresses.

Rajeev's method is simple. There we will be, Rajeev and me, watching with holy light in our eyes,  the pundit thinking that he is doing pujas. And after about 4 minutes we would have had our lifetime full of watching the pujas. Now we let our eyes wander. Our eyes always seem to stop at the female section of the crowd. Then we spot this beautiful girl looking at us (I mean looking at Rajeev. I am nothing much to look at). 

Now that our tired eyes have found a resting place, they decide to rest on that sight for a while. It suits us fine.

I look at Rajeev. He is shamelessly ogling this girl. She is also responding. I feel like a guy in a lesbian get together. (that one is from the series 'Friends')

Suddenly Rajeev pulls my arm. "Come", he says.

I look at him quizzically. He silently points ahead. 

I see that the girl and her friend have started walking. Frequently they look back. Rajeev is walking focused like a bloodhound after its prey. Finally he catches up with the girls and I hear that familiar jingle

"Hi, I am Rajeev Pandey"

That is his style. Rajeev's.

One day I came back from the plant a bit early only to see Rajeev sitting with a faraway look in his eyes. It is not often that one sees that kind of look. I was curious. I knew that he was supposed to meet ABC at that time.

"Hi, why are you still here?" I asked a bit ebulliently, "Shouldn't you be meeting ABC now?"

"To hell with ABC", replies Rajeev with uncharacteristic acerbity, "To hell with XYZ and JKL. To hell with all the girls of Bengal"

Even in his current state of bitterness, Rajeev is able to reel out the names of some of the most sought after girls in our community. One felt jealous of him.

But this is not the time for petty emotions. Rajeev is bitter. One need to get to the root of it

"What happened to you?", I asked, "Are you sick?"

"I was thinking", replied Rajeev with an Aristotelian touch. or something. 

"What exactly were you thinking? How to win a Nobel Prize?", I was satirical, if you see my jest.

"Your attempt at satire doesn't amuse me", Rajeev replied seriously.

I was taken aback. Something has happened. Otherwise he won't be talking like this.

"I am sorry for my amusing tone", replied I, "but tell me what happened?"

"As you know, today was a holiday. I got up at 6.00 AM and was getting ready to got out for meeting LMN. Then suddenly something snapped in me. What is the use of living like this, I asked myself. In the eyes of society I am a successful flirt (his eyes gleamed). None of the girls take me seriously. Some girls avoid my tracks. It is all my image. I have decided to change my image", he paused.

"What are you going to do in that direction? Change your hairstyle?" I could not help my flippancy.

A pained look came to his eyes. Raising his arms, he told earnestly "I beg you to be less sarcastic. This is what I have decided. I have decided to stop flirting.", he informed.

I waited for him to continue. 

"From today onward I am going to stop flirting and boozing. These are the two vices of life and they are inter related. From today onwards the people of society will see a new Rajeev. Whispers will be heard in various corners. 'What happened to Rajeev? I haven't seen him in the bar for some time. He seem to have changed', people will say. People will  look up to Rajeev to hear his opinion on various issues. I am going to do 'Sanyas' from today. You will see me only in the library all the time. 'No boozing, no flirting, only reading' is my motto from today", he announced.

(Good that Pujas are not due for another ten months, I thought to myself. I did not tell him though. Wanted to see how far this will go)

I felt like laughing. But the guy was so serious and earnest that I suppressed it.

From that day onwards, a subtle but definite change was seen in Rajeev. He was always found in the library reading books like 'A Brief History of Time' and magazines like 'India Today'. To his credit, he faithfully and sincerely kept up his rigorous regimen. Those girls with whom he used to flirt, he now avoided. At the most, he wished them 'Good Evening' and vanished into the library like a lemming into its burrow.  Rajeev started talking to me about problems in Gulf, the economical state of the country etc, which had me dumbstruck. This continued for over a month and I came to the conclusion that this guy had indeed undergone a lasting transformation.

One day I came back from the plant to see Rajeev sitting in his room with a depressed look.

"What happened? Are you feeling alright?", I asked, a bit concerned.

He didn't say anything. Simply stared ahead of him, the guy.

"What happened to you?", I persisted, now seriously concerned.

"That blasted Devan", he replied disconsolately

I waited for him to continue.

Rajeev took my arm and asked me fervently, "RS, tell me something. Haven't I stuck to my 'Sanyas' sincerely till now?"

I had to concur.

"Of course, you have. I have been quite impressed with the way in which you were carrying on", I responded

He hardly heard me.

"All these days I went only to the library. I used to read every bit of rot out there to distract my attention from the bar or the gaggle of girls giggling in the club house. I read about Indian' economy and gulf war and all the rot. To show them that I have changed, I used to go and ask them about deficit budget, balance of payment all all those terrible economic concepts (Rajeev winced at the thought..). I felt that I was making good progress." he paused.

"What happens? Today I am sitting in the library reading about the 'Use of computes in the education of primary school children - A study and assessment report from Kohima'. Devan comes in. With all of them setting there, you know what he did? He asked at the top of the voice, 'Rajeev, how is your affair with DEF progressing?'. That idiot. At that moment I saw my image - that carefully crafted new image -crumpling on the library floor. All due to that stupid Devan", he concluded the emotional outburst.

The next day as I entered the club hall, I heard the familiar jingle

"Hi, I am Rajeev Pandey'.

Of Monkeys and People!!!

The incident I am about to narrate happened during my initial days in Durgapur.
I was selected by SAIL thru a national entrance exam and was posted as a management trainee in Durgapur steel plant in West Bengal. After a month of induction training in Bhilai, we reached Durgapur in August 1987. This was my first visit ever to the eastern part of India and I was young and eager to experience different cultures and different feels if you see what I mean.
Somewhere into my second week in Durgapur, I went to Benachity market which is a big market almost two to three kilometers in length. You can get anything in Benachity market.
It was sometime in the afternoon when I ventured into Benachity.
I don't know what I brought from the first shop that I went to but I vividly remember what he gave me. As I was leaving the shop, the shopkeeper gave me a calendar.
My next destination was the fruit and vegetable market. I wanted to buy half dozen of the ripe old bananas which were strategically placed in front of a street vendor.
"Khela kitne ka hai?" I asked the vendor.
"Kudi Taka dojen", he replied in some vague language which sounded like German or something. I hardly understood what he was saying. (Later I came to know that the language was Bengali and he, of course, meant 20 rupees per dozen)
You see, till that day, my interaction with others was limited to communicating with my friends from my batch, the language of communication being mostly english or hindi. This was my first exposure to the Bengali language.
"Kitna?" I repeated.
He was not listening. His attention was focussed on the calendar in my hand.
"Dekhi (let me see)" he said and quickly took, almost snatched, the calendar from my hand and opened it.
It was a black and white photograph of someone whom I did not recognize. Obviously the street vendor was a much read man. His eyes seemed to light up as he saw the photo.
"Nazrul Islam, Kabi" he informed me. It sounded like 'Kapi'
Now, in the parts of India that I come from 'Kapi' stands for Monkey. Was the street vendor informing me that the photo in the calendar was that of a monkey? Why should the previous shop owner give me the calendar with the photo of a monkey?
I took the calendar from his hand for a closer look. With the long locks of hair and piercing eyes, the photo on the calendar seemed to me to be that of a man, and most definitely not of a monkey..
"Yeh to aadmi lag raha hai?" I told the street vendor a trifle hesitantly. It was more likely that he will recognize a monkey in Bengal if he sees one. Purely due to his comparative longivity in that part of the world, if you see what I mean.
"Aapni ki bolchen? Yeta Nazrul Islam, banglar bado kabi" he informed me vehemently and almost menacingly. ('What do you mean? This is Nazrul Islam, renowned Kabi of Bengal')
He was so vehemant that I took a closer look. Now I was not very sure.
"Lagta to aadmi hai" I again repeated with a lot of uncertainty this time.
I could see that the guy was getting really angry. "Yeta Banglar Maha Kabi. Aapni kichu janen na." he started getting up. ('This is a revered Kabi of Bengal. Don't you know anything at all?')
Who was I to argue with a short-sighted , short-tempered and omniscient street vendor who could not differentiate between monkeys and people? Before I knew, I had taken my half dozen of bananas and legged it.
(Much later, I came to know that in Bengal, they prononce 'a' as 'o' and 'v' as 'b'. So 'Kabi' actually become 'Kavi' which in my language means 'poet'. Putting two and two together, I realized that the shop keeper was trying to educate me about some famous Bengali Poet and not, as I had imagined earlier, about the initial phases of human evolution!!)

'Ghumne' or 'Ghumane'

Let me tell you of a hilarious incident that happenened when I was working in Durgapur.

We were a group of four friends staying in the same hostel. Me, Sunder,Peeps and Kamal Kumar (K K, obviously). KK had another friend named Gautam Mondol, a Bengali whose parents were settled in Kanpur, the place where KK was also from.

At the time of this incident, Gautam's grandmother, a typical Bengali lady, was staying with Gautam.

Even though he is in Bengal, KK cannot speak one word of Bengali. Luckily for him most people in Bengal speak Hindi and he is able to survive on not learning Bengali. 

That sunday afternoon, KK knocks at Gautam's door, his grandmother opens the door. Gautam is sleeping. In Bengali language that the word for sleep is 'Ghum'. For instance, 'Gautam ghumoche' means 'Gautam is sleeping'

The dialogue here is in Hindi. English Translation in brackets (as if you didn't know). Note: there are three languages involved, Bengali, Hindi and English.

"Gautam hai?" KK asked. ("Is Gautam here?")

"Woh Ghumne gaya hai" replied the lady. ("He has gone roaming")

"Kahan ghumne gaya hai?" asked KK ("Where has he gone roaming?")

"Apne kamre mein ghumne gaya hai" ("Gone roaming in his room")

"Kamre mein ghumne?" ("Roaming in the room?")

Lady felt that something was amiss.

"Gautam ghumata hai", the lady changed tack ("Gautam is taking someone for a ride")

"Kisko ghumata hai?" persisted KK ("Who is he taking for a ride?")

"Apne aap ko ghumata hai" replied the lady ("He is taking himself for a ride")

"Kahan ghumata hai?" queried KK ("Where?"

"Bistar main ghumata hai. Aap baad aayiye" replied the lady before closing the door. ("He has taken himself for a ride on the bed. Please come later"

"Appreciate", what?

"Why are you reading the dictionary?" I asked Rajeev.

For, Rajeev was doing just that. Lying flat on his bed, listening to some soft music on his music player, this guy was going through Oxford English Dictionary like it was some thriller.

Rajeev is a friend and colleague of mine. He is highly educated in Finance but like his kin from Bihar, is slightly weak in English.

It was to this Rajeev that I addressed that question on that sunday afternoon.

He looked up at me. He had that 'whadayacallit' look on his face. The same look that you will have if you slap a guy at a party thinking that it is your friend and the guy turns out to be your CEO. Or the same look that a sheep has....

Sheepish, I think they call it.

"Ask me the meaning of any word. I will tell you. Throw away that book since you have the walking dictionary standing in front of you." proclaimed I.

He looked at me thoughtfully. He had a different look this time. The guy was wrestling with a dilemma, I could tell. On the one hand he had come across something which warranted that sheepish look and he was in need of some clarifications. On the other hand as it were, whether he should confide in me, the world's most renowned news caster, from whom no secret is safe, about whom it is said 'What R knows today, Durgapur knows tomorrow'....

Finally he resigned to fate. "What is the meaning of 'appreciate'? " asked he (to me, of course. No one else was there)

I felt disappointed. Such simple word. He could have very well used the dictionary instead of wasting my talent on such trivialities.

But one has to oblige. "Praise, encourage..." I informed.

Again that thoughtful look. A look of a person with an unfulfilled clarification.

"Why what happened?" I asked casually. My curiosity was suddenly aroused. There is much deeper waters here I felt. One has to unearth and broadcast. One has a duty to the world.

" Sometime last week, the manager of BTS booked an appointment with me for yesterday" began Rajeev, "I waited for him the whole day, but he did not turn up. Today morning I met him. After the preliminaries he told me "Mr.Singh, I was supposed to meet you yesterday. I could not do so since I had to go to hospital to get an injection taken. I hope you will appreciate my problem". " Said Rajeev.

" I told him "That is a very good problem" ". continued Rajeev, "He gave me a vague look like I said something silly"

"I know I made a mistake somewhere, but I don't know where" he commented plaintively.

He again looked at the dictionary. "Ah, here it is. 'Appreciate' means "to look at a problem with sympathy". So that is what he meant"

"I don't know how I will face him tomorrow" said he as he covered his face with the book.