A tryst with exotic cooking....

"I want to prepare some exotic stuff. Shall I make Bruschetta today", my son announced to the universe.

"Look at his initiative" my wife gushes, "at this age other kids will be playing football and wasting their time"

I am filled with pride for this damn initiative.

"We need bread, onion, garlic and tomato. Appa, can you go and buy the stuff from the market", my son asks

As a dad it is my duty to support my son in these endeavours. Especially when he is taking the initiative. For all you know, he could end up as the next Sanjiv Kapoor. Who am I to come in the way of the universe?

So off I go with a spring in my steps, if you see what I mean.

I get the stuff from the market. Dump them on the table and retire into my cool bedroom with a Baldacci.

"Call me when it is ready" I announce superflously. I have done my bit to advance my son's career. Let me relax.

"Appa, can you cut the vegetables? I have to go out for a swim", my son asks. 

Shouldn't l be the one relaxing? I think to myself. 

"Which vegetables should I cut?" I query.

"Wash and cut onions in small pieces. Remove the seed from tomato and cut them in thin slices. Cut garlic laterally", the request has become instructions. 

He goes out for a swim. I patiently cut 10 tomatoes (after removing the seed), cut the onions, cut the garlic...

Cut my finger...

By the end of the cutting, I am tired. My eyes are burning having cut those damn onions.

"Are the vegetables cut ", my son asks. He is back from the swim and is fresh and raring to go.

"Yes", I inform him proudly.

"You have cut them too small", comes the inspection report.

Now he takes the bread from the packet. 

"Appa, can you grill the bread?", he asks. It is almost like his mom is invisible. He is not expecting anything from her.

I have to support him. It is the price one pay for being a dad.

"How do you want it grilled?"

"Lightly apply olive oil and grill", comes the prompt reply.

I grill the bread, apply garlic on that and hand it to him.

It is not over. I grate the cheese, lightly saute the vegetables in cheese.. 

Finally, once every bit of backbreaking work is done, my son puts a layer of the sauted vegetables on the toasted bread and give it to me. I take a bite.

"Dad, how is my Bruschetta?", he asks.

Ice cream sandwich and more.....

You can't judge me for what happened !!

I mean, look at the situation. Look at the context. Look at the circumstances....

I mean....

I was driving with my son in the car to somewhere in Jayanagar. I forget where I was going. I remember that I was driving. And my son was in the seat next to me.

These are times when I get my son as a captive audience. I am always on the lookout for giving "parental advices and guidance' to him when he is in the car. Most of the time the opportunity presents itself when my son asks me a question or make an observation.

I have this rare ability of identifying potential advices even out of on Non-Sequitars. Simple innocent observations... and I latch on to them and expound on them. Like some bubblegum or something.

My son has learned his lessons. He has learned to keep his trap shut when we are together in the car. But that doesn't stop me. An ad here, a road sign there, a tree somewhere....all these are 'advice catalysts' and advices pour forth out of me, non-stop, like Niagara falls...

It so happened that we were driving in front of 'Baskin Robbins'. You know, the Calorie and Cholestrol vendor...(I am joking. They have delicious, low cal ice creams) 

"I want to get 'Ice Cream Sandwich'" announced my taciturn son generally to the universe.

My parental antennae were up. This was the kind of observation that called for a detailed parental advising effort.

"Son, I want to tell you three things", commenced I.

Son made a face. Father ignored it and continued.

"One, someone has said that 'you should be careful what you wish for because you will get it'.  So think before you wish for anything. You know that I will buy you Ice Cream Sandwich if you want one. I don't want  to say no to you when you ask me for something to eat. But remember that Ice cream contains lot of calories and fat and is the number one cause of childhood obesity in the United States. While I will buy you Ice Cream Sandwich, you have to ensure that you do a lot of physical exercise. Only physical exercise will help you build your stamina..."

I was about to go on a narrative spree about the benefits of building physical stamina and endurance, but kept it aside for a later day.

"Two, you know that you are susceptible to cough and cold especially if you eat ice creams in winter season.  And now is winter season and you are old enough to understand the physical hazards of eating ice cream in this season. You have to be responsible to yourself and never let your cravings of junk food overcome your judgement (boy, am I good at making advices out of nothing?). If you want, I will buy you ice cream, but I wish that you will yourself say that you don't want it now"

I was on a roll....

"And three, let us analyse what is an ice cream made of. It is essentially some cream mixed with lots of sugar and some vanilla. Would you have eaten them, if given separately (well, may be sugar)? So why do you crave for a silly combination of things which you would not have eaten separately? Come on son, you are bigger than an Ice Cream Sandwich from Baskin Robbins....."

I stopped. Victorious, if you see what I mean.

To his credit, my son was absolutely silent during this monologue of mine. Expressionless, you know. Like a Tibetan monk or something....

Finally, he spoke.

"Appa", sez he, " ' Ice Cream Sandwich' is the name of the latest version of Android OS. I was talking about upgrading my Samsung mobile to the latest 'Ice cream Sandwich' OS Version".

The sound you just heard? The crumbling of my Parental Authority...

On First Impressions.....

"I don't think first impressions matter much. I think that you can know a person only after multiple interactions with him." my son commented as I was driving him to the school today.

"Why do you say this?" my curiosity was aroused.

"There is this boy in our class, Harsheel. When he first came to the class, we all thought he was very quite and reserved. But now, after 2 weeks, we find that he is the naughtiest kid in the class." he responded.

I got into the parent mode....

"Considering the relationship on a long-term, probably you will get multiple opportunities to change the first impression of people. However, it may happen that sometimes the first impression is the only chance you will get of communicating yourself to others. If you goof up in the first impression,  you will be lucky if you get a chance at a second or third impression. To that extent, first impression is important." I told.

"Let me cite two instances from my experience where first impression was drastically different from the later impressions. In one of them I was the victim (if you could use the word) and in other case I was the perpetrator." I continued.

"Ujwal Joshi was one of the consultants assigned to a project that I was managing. Thru the initial phase of the project, Ujwal had major attitude problems. He had all the required knowledge to take over the leadership of the project, but he continuously underperformed in the project and worst of all, he had attitude problems."

"Over my years of experience, I have come to know that it is better to communicate the attitude issues up the organization as soon as possible. I immediately informed Ujwal's manager and had Ujwal removed from the project"

"Just before removing Ujwal from the project, I had a heart-to-heart discussion with Ujwal. I told him that while I appreciated his knowledge, his attitude issues meant that the knowledge was not useful for my project."

I looked to my son if he was following my narrative. While he pretended to be not interested, I could see that he was rapt in attention.

"Almost immediately after I got Ujwal removed from the project I had a major crisis in the project and I was forced to get Ujwal back into my project. You can understand that I was quite apprehensive about bringing him back in my project, but I had no options", I continued.

"However to my great surprise, the new version of Ujwal turned out to be exactly opposite of the earlier version. He took initiative, ensured that the he was available to the team to resolve any challenges and was able to deliver some high quality work in the project. He always had the talent, but now his talent was focused on supporting the customer."

"Later he told me that my one-on-one talk with him helped him to change his perspective and understand where he was going wrong. He understood that he was performing one level below his capability, whereas he should be performing one level above his capability." I progressed.

"Ujwal was lucky to have got a second chance to demonstrate his capability. Normally in an organization, one does not get such second chances. Imagine if he hadn't got the second chance. Both me and the organization would have carried the perception that Ujwal had attitude problems."

"That is the reason why the first impression is so important."
End of story no. 1
The story no.2 starts in 1998. I was working in SAIL Durgapur and had taken study leave to do an MBA in Finance from Kolkata University from 1995 to 1997. After my graduation, I went back to Durgapur and rejoined my original department. Soon I had a discussion with my AGM. This was a new person. My previous boss had moved on with a promotion.
My new boss asked me what I wanted to do.
"Since I have completed my MBA, my career goal is to move into Finance area", I told him, "But as long as I am working in your department, I will put in my 100%."
Somehow, he did not 'hear' my 100% part. He focussed only on the part about my career goal being to move to Finance. 

He did not say anything at that time.
A few days later I was in my morning shift which start from 6.00 AM. Normally, in a morning shift, by about 7.00 AM, we would have completed our main coordination activities. So, on that day, at 7.30 AM we were all (morning shift staff) sitting in our control room and I was reading the morning papers when my boss walked in.
As soon as he saw me reading the paper, he shouted at me in a loud voice, "Ramaswamy, this is not a library. If you  are not interested in working in this department, you can leave. But I won't allow you to misuse this department"
It was so totally unanticipated outburst. I just put the paper down and said 'I am sorry' and left the room.
A few months later, our department organized a 'Power Engineers Seminar' for SAIL executives at Durgapur. The seminar consisted of Power Engineers and Senior Executives from various plants under SAIL. This was a prestigious seminar and I was made in Charge of the organizing committee.

I put in a lot of effort and the seminar was quite a success.
After the seminar was over, my boss called me up and told, "Ramaswamy, you have to improve your communication skills. When you told me that you will put in your 100% I did not believe you.  But now, after seeing you organize this seminar, I can see what you meant. You should have communicated in a more smooth manner."
I did not know what to say. As he mentioned, his first impression of me was wrong, but I got the opportunity to rectify his perception.
Normally, in life you do not get such second chances. And that is why first impression is very important.
End of story no. two.

Personal Success Pointers..

Today, while driving from Mysore to Bangalore, I was telling my son the two key pointers, two key catalysts to personal success.

"The first success factor is to have a personal goals, or multiple time-bound personal goals. You would be surprised to know how many people out there are leading their lives without any goals whatsoever. They spend  their lives in packets of time, in blocks of time.  Day after day, month after month, year after year, they will get up in the morning, go thru the motions, reach office, do the same work for 8 hours, come back home tired, freshen up, eat and sleep. This routines repeats over multiple time packets. 

More than 99.99% of the people in this world, live their lifes in this manner. However, some day in the future, they are bound to wake up and ask themselves the question, what have I been doing with my life? What have I achieved in my life? Are my achievements commensurate with the time that I spend so far? Do I have a goal to achieve in life that keeps me going day after day? What is the legacy that I am going to leave?

In most cases, by the time one ask these questions of oneself, it will be too late to make any changes.

Why did this situation develop? The reason is simple, these people do not have an overarching personal goal. The goal should be big, it should be exciting and it should be elevating. To design such a goal, you need to spend a lot of personal time. However, in their hurly-burly, day-to-day, paycheck-to-paycheck lives, they forget or overlook spending quality time for themselves. The result is ultimate frustration and sub-optimal performance.

So the success factor number one: Have a clear, documented, time-bound personal goals. They should be SMART - Specific / Simple, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound - goals. Ideally you should have three goals, Short term, Medium term and Long term. Short term should span a time frame of less than a year, medium term should span from one year to three years and long-term should be goals over 5 years or less."

My son was all attentive..

Enthused, I continued. "The second success factor is also one which almost 99.99% do not practice. Most of the people are adept at catching people doing something wrong. That is a part of our evolution where we are equipped to find things going wrong. However, to be successful, you have to turn the tables around. You have to catch people doing things right. All of us do both right and wrong actions on a daily basis. The talent to be developed is to 'Catch people doing things right'. That is where you gain long-term gratitude of people. Unlike 'Catching people doing wrong' which is easy, since evolution has programmed us to do that, 'Catching people doing right' needs lot of practice. However, once you catch people doing right, you suddenly find that what you thought wrong was not wrong afterall, or its negative impact is not as significant as you thought it was. 

So, to achieve great personal success,  focus on two basic actions.

1. Have a clear goal (s)

2. Catch people doing right and ignore when people do wrong.

Hope my son is convinced...

Changing Habits

Adi, (Short for Aditya) my son, has a very bad habit of losing things.
He is currently in class 4. Never a day passes when Adi has not lost something in the school. It could be an eraser, a sharpener, scale, book, pencils..., you name it he has lost them all.
Every time he loses something our reaction has been the same. Shout at him, continuously probe why he lost it (leading to his cooking up some fantastic story...), exhorting him to be careful in future and finally replacing the lost item.
I have a feeling that if I had encashed the value of all the things that he lost, probably I could have reduced my home loan by a notch...(Of course I am kidding)
The whole effort used to stress us out and put the poor child under a lot of pressure..
The other day he had a book fair in his school. He wanted 150 rupees to buy a book.
I told him that I will go with him the next day and help him choose the book. But he was adamant that he wanted to buy the book that day itself. I hiked my offer. I told him that if he agrees to wait for another day, I will personally come and buy him books worth 500 rupees. I told him of the benefits of delayed gratification and how it will help him in future...
All to no avail. The kid clung to 'I want to buy it today' like he was glued to it. Tenacious kid.
So I end up giving him 150 rupees.
In the evening I come home and ask him to show me the book.
He says he lost 100 rupees. So he couldn't buy the book. What about the remaining 50 rupees? Since he was not buying the book anyway, he spent the whole of it in the canteen, he says.
I lose my cool and shout at him. I tell him that he wont get any more books. I remind him that I had told him not to take the money to school that morning and that he did not listen to me. I am all 'I told you so's.
The child retires to a corner and sulks.
Next day morning, I suddenly realize that I am fighting a losing battle. By shouting at him, while I am telling him what he is doing wrong, I am not giving him any suggestions for improvements. And probably shouting was not helping any way.
I decide to change my approach. I think that being proactive could be the better way.
I call my son. "Yesterday I gave you 150 rupees and you lost it. Since you have taken money from me, I need to get something in return".
The kid is immediately on the defensive. "What should I give you?" he asks
"You need to promise me that you will develop two good habits. One, you will develop the habit of being careful with your thing and not losing them. Even if you lose things, you should give your level best to trace it back. And two, you should develop the habit of 'delayed gratification'. If you get some good thing today and a better thing tomorrow, you must choose the 'tomorrow' rather than 'today' if you have an option."
The kid know when he is outclassed. "Okay", he says albeit without much conviction.
In return I make this promise. "In case you do not lose anything for a week, I will buy you a book of your choice. For every instance of 'delayed gratification' behaviour demonstrated by you, I will buy you a book of your choice."
He is happy but has a minor modification. "For one of them above, you must give me some other gift. What about a transformer if I demonstrate 'Delayed Gratification'?"
We sign off on dotted line.

Parental Bonding

Lying in my bed in Bogota the other night, I was missing my family. I decided that I have to spend quality time with my son and try to bond with him more.

Not wanting to procrastinate, the next day I called home and started the 'bonding' business in right earnest.

"So Aditya, how are you?"

"Fine"

"How is your school?"

"Fine"

"How are your friends?"

"Fine"

"What are you doing now?"

"Nothing"

"Are you playing a lot?"

"Yes"

"Did you do your homework?"

"Yes"

"Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"No"

I shot my bolt. 'Over the phone bonding' was obviously passe. I had to start again after I reached home two days later.

With such a taciturn kid, it was difficult to identify the appropriate 'bonding' ambience. I saw the 'bonding' opportunity the other day when we were having lunch.

"I know how to get all the three badges in Pokemon." He informed to no one in particular.

I felt that this was the bonding opportunity that I was looking for. What could be a better way to bond than to show him that I am also interested in his 'specialized areas'.

"How?" asked I. A curious father, if you see what I mean.

The kid started off like a TGV or something.

"From Palla town, go to Veredian City. In Ceredian city, go to Veradian forest. Here you will see three paths. Take the first path, this will take you to Vermillion City. There you go to HM01 and give a cut and a flash. The animal like figure will turn into human form and give you a pokemon. Now you go cross the underground path and go to Digglet town. Here you will see a pokemon center. You have to get your pokemon healed.

Then you come out of the pokemon center, cross the Digglet town, cross the underground path and come back to Vermillion city. Here you take the third path. You will see a buttsha and also you can get picachoo and other pokemons. Here you have the option of going either to Lavendar town or to teach your pokemon the fire trick. It is very difficult to teach a pokemon the fire trick, but you can't get a badge if your pokemon do not learn fire trick. Now you will come across a ship which will open when you show the cut and flash you received in the first path......

This started at lunch, continued thru dinner and the last I know of he is yet to get his first badge.
He also told me to sit with him so that he can show me how to get a badge. I am now thinking of my next onsite assignment.

Guys and Ladies, better learn this language. This is going to be the language of future generation.
If you can't, then go onsite.......

How should you play a game?

I had played a TT match in our office and lost. I thought I will share with my son Aditya the lessons that I learned from the loss.
"Before starting the game itself, I thought that I will lose the game. Thoughts are very powerful and they guide our actions. Since I had already decided that I was going to lose, I played to lose the game" I told him, very pleased with myself having imparted this wisdom.
"Do you know why you lost?" he asked me.
"Because I had decided that I will lose?" I was little bit surprised at his question.
"You lost because you were very focusing on thinking about losing while your opponent was focusing on playing the game."
Now I am not sure who delivered the wisdom.

Of birds and bees

My 8 year old son asks me "How are babies born?"
I know that when he asks such questions, he usually has an answer already.
"How?" I ask him
"Father and mother fall in love . Woman produces an egg and the man produces something called 'sp...' something. This meets the egg and a baby is created. The baby lies inside mother for 9 months and after that the baby is born."
"Wow!!" I am speechless.
"Did you know this?" he asks me.
I pose a counter. "Where did you learn this?"
"In the encyclopedia, under 'Know your body' section. They were mentioning about man and woman making love. I am sure it is a mistake. How can you make love? Is it some physical thing like bus or car that you can make?"
I am still speechless.
The other day we see a pregnant sheep on the road.
"How do animals have babies?" this kid has some curiosity.
I am relieved. He already knows about sperm and egg and all those embarassing stuff. I don't have to start at the beginning.
"Just like men have children. Sperm meets the egg and a baby is created. It stays in a sheep's womb for 3 months or so. And then baby comes out". I think I broke the record of the fastest speech.
My son has the final word. "How can sheep fall in love?"

How do you define a pampered child?

Asked my 8 year old son, 'How do you define a pampered child?'
'If the child listens to the parents, he is a normal child, but if parents listen to him he is a pampered child'
'Are you a pampered child?'
'Yes I am'
'Why?'
'Because whenever I want something, and you don't give me, I cry. And then you give me that.'
In terms of management jargon, the kid just divulged his competive advantage.
Little does he know!!!!

Lesson from my son.

We have recently shifted to a new house. My son, who is reserved by nature, finds it difficult to mingle with the children in the new block.
He says that he don't know any of the games that they play. He do not play cricket, badminton, football or any such games.
I decide to give him some advice.
"When you want to get into a group" I tell him, "you have to develop new skills that will ensure your smooth entry into that group. If they are playing cricket, learn cricket. If they play football, learn that. You have to start learning those skills that can get you into that group."
It suddenly strikes that the above advice is applicable to me as well.
It is like this. You see, I am an ERP consultant. In my organization, I am considered to be an expert in ERP. I am very clear on the finance domain and has the requisite skills that ensure a successful ERP implementation.
Recently I have been wanting to move out of ERP and move into general management cadre. I am looking for roles like delivery manager / practice manager etc. However, more often than not I was not able to communicate clearly what I wanted or why I wanted.
Suddenly I realize that what I am looking for is to enter into the group of senior managers, but I have not built up the necessary skills in terms of analytical capability, team development, ability to put systems and processes in place or the ability to see the big picture as well as the micro picture.
I am yet to develop the skills that will get me acceptance in the group of senior management.
I need to learn new skill sets.

Why 'Man'goes?

Asked my son, why mangoes are called 'man'goes and not 'woman'goes? (Yes I do ask him such questions...)
His reply, because mango is the 'King' of fruits and not the 'Queen' of fruits.