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06 March 2014

Oh no, not another blog...

Caveat: This article is written purely as a humorous post. Any resemblance to any blogger out there is coincidental. Please try to read it and give a smile. This post falls into the attempted category 'Humour'.

The internet is filled with so many blogs that it freaks me out. Apparently everyone has something to say and believes in saying it. You throw a stone in the internet and it will land on another blog. People are expert in something (or everything) and has no qualms of flaunting their knowledge. 

Here are some of the types of bloggers that one comes across. 

Humour Blogers: Anybody who has read one PGW novel is a humour blogger. The net is riddled with Humour Blogs. Most of the time, you smile after reading these blogs just to humour (see the deft usage of the same word to convey different meanings?) these bloggers.

Check out my 'Humour posts

Cooking Blogger: Normally a purview of the ladies. Every lady and her mother-in-law, who has set their feet in the kitchen has a Cooking Blog. As soon as the food is prepared, the first task is to update the blog before serving it to their hungry husbands. Blog names have to end with the word 'Kitchen' or 'Cook Book', as in 'Sindhoos Kitchen', 'Kamlas Cook Book' etc. With the food habits changing every 10 Kilometers in India, the country is a gold mine for Cooking Bloggers. 

Ideally they should blog on the cooking style they know. But they won't do that. For instance Sindhoo, who is born, brought up and had been living in Kerala all her life, will write about 'Panneer Butter Masala (Kerala Style)'. How can PBM be 'Kerala Style' for God's sake? By adding Coconut Oil and Curry Leaves? But does Sindhoo even care of the stress that she is creating in the minds of Sardars? No sir, no way. She doesn't give a 'Kripaan'..

Check out 'My Cook Book'

Child rearing (Also Parenting) Blogger: Any lady who has given birth for the first time has to blog about being a first time mother. You don't see many blogs on being a 'First Time Father'. Or about being a 'Second Time Mother'. Apparently, they (the first time moms) have never learnt any life lessons so far and the arrival of the cute, new baby,  has suddenly filled them with all the wisdom in the universe. The range of their penmanship spreads far and wide. They write everything from 'Changing Diapers' to 'Teaching Discipline' with the same flair and elan. They spread their new found wisdom with gay abandon, but will correct their mothers if they (the mothers) try to give some parenting advice. Apparently moms do not know anything about parenting...

Check out my posts on Parenting

Photography Blogger: This is normally the purview of the IT Consultants. In their world anybody who has purchased a digital camera is a Photographer and if you have an SLR (No idea what it is) you are a photography blogger. Their oeuvre spreads from  photographs of Crimson Horizon to Old Buildings to Close ups of Flowers. They are liberal in providing advice to the newbie 'photographers' (who have purchased a digital camera) on everything from focus to smiles to anything technical about photography.  

Investment Blogger: This is a genre normally occupied by males. Normally they hold MBA degree or are accountants. It is easy to become an investment blogger. Only qualifications required is that you should have lost money in the stock market (under that logic, I will make an excellent investment blogger) . If you have purchased a stock at a high price and sold it at a low price, you are qualified to become an investment blogger. They spew out advice on everything from Equity, debt, Mutual Fund and even on retirement planning, even though they are just out of their schools.

Travel Blogger: Like photography, a domain majorly occupied by IT Consultants. The moment they are out of their base city on a project, they start a travel blog. Many of them visit a city for two weeks without going out even once out of their hotel room. But looking at their blogs, you will not know this. While going from hotel to their office, they will click some photos in their digital camera and become Photography Bloggers as well.

Checkout my Travel posts.

Health Blogger: Did you get up today and drink a glass of Grape Juice? Did you eat a fruit yesterday? Did you walk in front of the Gym last week. Did you ride a cycle to go from home to the neighborhood market? Did you take a bite of that low cal salad when you went to that swanky restaurant about two months ago?

If you have answered 'Yes' to any of the above questions, you are qualified to become a health blogger. These are Generally men.  Their blog is filled with the nutrition information on all the food items in the world. They also know how many calories you burn if you walk at a speed of 6 KMPH for 30 minutes at an incline of 5% (Answer: 225 Calories). And since they walk regularly (They walked 2 Kilometers last Tuesday), they are very liberal with their advice and are very critical of those 'Couch Potatoes'. They give a sigh of exasperation when they espy an overweight person on the road. They will come home and blog about how that fat person can get a better life 'if only' he exercises. These guys are insufferable in their blogs and even outside of  (blogs).

Marketing Blogger: Since these guys are into Marketing, blogging for them is work. Blogging is just another 'Media Channel' which has to be regularly updated with 'Quality Content' and mined for 'Actionable Intelligence'. They have no idea of the misery they are inflicting on the unsuspecting population that accidentally visits their blog.

A special group of marketers are the bloggers who inflict your Facebook and Twitter accounts (and even emails) with latest updates from their blogs. The moment they update their blog, they have to let the world know. 

Book Reviewer: If you have read a book, you have to write a review of that book in your blog. The Book Reviewer doesn't care a hoot if they liked it or not, or if the book is fiction, non fiction or philosophy. If they have read it, they will blog about it. Since they have read the book, they will also try to look intellectual.

While you are here, why don't you check out the Reviews of the books that I have read recently?

City Walker: These are a special combination of 'Travel' and 'Photography' bloggers. These bloggers roam the city streets with a camera in their hands and blogs about their experiences. Any time you see a sly guy with a camera in one hand and a note book in the other, you know that you have set your eyes on a 'City Walker'.

Fashionistas: Again, a section of blogging community flooded with ladies. Any girl or her sister-in-law who has worn a Tank Top or a Spaghetti or a Camisole (I got these words from Myntra.com) is qualified to be a Fashion Blogger. They fill their blogs with images of various dresses that in their opinion are 'Trending'.

General Bloggers: These are the worst kind of bloggers. They have nothing to say and believes in saying it. Their tentacles extend to anything that comes along. If they prepare coffee, they blog about it under tag 'My Cook Book'. Read a book? Read their review under the tag  'Book Reviews'. They think something is funny? It is labeled as 'Humour' in their blogs. They give advice on Parenting, on Self Development, impart Wisdom....

You name it, these blogs have it.

While you are here, check out my posts on Self Improvement and Wisdom.

Just to round it off, I mean.

3 comments:

Team BlogAdda said...

This post has been selected for the Tangy Tuesday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

Saru Singhal said...

Hahaha... So, I am not for nothing blogger :p

Awesome read :)

Roshan Radhakrishnan said...

Yipes... that means I come under the worst kind of blogger category :/
Nice post though :)